Back to the Course

It’s been a few years since I started this project to get ACIM online. I guess I never actually go going because I wasn’t ready to go through the lessons again.

The first lesson feels both familiar and new. I had an anticipation that I would somehow feel like a know-it-all and a bit blasé about the whole thing. Not so. The little bit of nervousness that the lesson mentions certainly came up.

Nothing I see means anything.

How strange to feel both strong cynicism and deep relief when I think about this. Coupled with the combination of nervousness and calm that bubbled up when I looked about me and repeated the lesson show me that this will be anything other than a rote repetition of a series of exercises that I’ve done five or six times before.

It’s also strange that I can’t remember exactly how many times I’ve done the lessons. I’ve started them several more but didn’t get past the first month. Those times were different. I began because I thought that it was a good idea, but didn’t really feel compelled, as I do now.

The first time through the lessons took almost two years. I would fall asleep reading. I would lose the books for a couple of days at a time only to “find” them again, sitting, alone, on my coffee table. That time was memorable.

So was the year I did them with Susan and Matt, as well as the time right after I moved to Port Townsend. But the other times are hazy, as if they happened to someone else or in a dream. Somehow, I don’t think this time will be like that. I’m as strongly compelled to do this as I was the first time.

Posted on January 1, 2007 ::

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